God-Fucking-Damnit

Recovering pro cyclist relapses, living on the streets again.  Story here.

I followed Chad Gerlach's return to Pro Cycling from a yearlong crack binge on the streets. Addicted to drugs and alcohol, his life an empty shambles. He had gotten sober, found hope and purpose, and returned to the pro-ranks to race with Amore e Vita. It was (and still is) an inspiring story. Read about it here.

Relapse is a vicious and terrible thing to witness. Even from afar it saps hope. It's a little like watching a friend get eaten by a bear. And you want to help. You're right there, and you're not getting eaten, and you want to shout "Hey, just do what I'm doing and it will stop eating you!" But you can't yell, and they can't hear you anyway. And, really, what's keeping you safe from your bear wouldn't work for them, because it's a different bear.

The harsh truth is: Substance addiction is primarily a disease of selfishness. The damage that we can cause to others as a result of addiction is staggering. When I was drinking, I acted principally in my own self interest.  Unconcerned about anyone's feelings, except where it was convenient for me to be. It wrecks me to see that echoed here. Chad doesn't know the color of his newborn daughter's eyes. That is tragic. The disconnected indifference he displays when he talks about it, however, is as telling as it is heart-wrenching.

Many addicts and alcoholics relapse before they find lasting sobriety. SOBER Chad Gerlach is a cool guy, with a family, and a future, and a life. I hope we get to see him again soon.